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Day 236 of 365

How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

If you watch The Sound of Music you'll hear this question asked in regards to the main character. It is the ultimate Mother's Day movie. Maria becomes a mentor and the woman who will choose to be a mother to those seven children.

I've never watched the Sound of Music from this perspective. Motherhood is different for us all.

I've had some pretty amazing firsts in the 49th year of my life. I've pushed beyond my fears and learned about weakness. I've seen, tasted, touched, smelled and heard what seemed impossible.

My 236th day was, is and will always be redefining.

I am officially without my north star.

I can no longer seek the wisdom of a woman who knew me from the moment I was made.

It feels impossible until I stop, close my eyes, and I see her sitting at her table. I smell the cup of tea in front of her. I hear the sound of her laughter. I've had 49 years to infuse my soul with the strength of a real Wonder Woman.

She was my mother. I visited her today. It was my first time alone at the cemetery.

I sat without her physical presence and thought about our last Mother's day together. It was so much the opposite that I found a sense of joy in every moment that we had before she died.

She loved yellow tulips. A few years ago I gifted her with three hand blown golden blossoms in a flower pot on her porch. We planted tulips in my garden almost 10 years ago. This morning I cut one and I left it at the cemetery just as a sprinkle of rain began to fall.

Day 236

Love & Light

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